Case against Santa Claus

Don't be mad!! I LOVE Santa, love him. I love the idea, the stories, the magic, all of it. However, we're not teaching Kadence about him. I begrudge no one who teaches their child about Santa, and if my personal experiences hadn't gone the way they did, I would most likely have a different outlook on the whole thing. Alas, that is not the case.

We are Christians, and while we love Jesus with all our hearts, we do not believe Christmas is all about Him. As hard as it is for some believer's to grasp, Jesus is not the "reason for the season". Though Christianity mingled it's teachings with Christmas, the holiday is not rooted in religion. Jesus was not born in the winter, and Christmas was a Pagan holiday long before it became Christianized. If you want to celebrate a Biblical holiday in December, you're much better off celebrating Chanukah. It, unlike Christmas, has biblical roots and Jesus himself actually observed the holiday. Though we will still incorporate Jesus' birth into our Christmas traditions, I do not hold them too high, and our faith in Christ has nothing to do with teaching our children about Santa...directly. I do have a slight fear that if we teach our children about Santa while teaching them about Jesus then one day they find out we lied to them about Santa, they will question if we lied to them about Jesus. I guess our belief plays a part in it, but I know many Christians, myself included, who at one time believed in Santa and are not damaged.

Furthermore, we live in a society that is richly prosperous. Even some of our poorest are wealthy according to most of the world. However, in this economy there are quite a few people left having what some would call a "lean" Christmas. How do I reconcile that with my children? How can I explain to them that Santa simply couldn't bring them the new video game system or custom build dollhouse or whatever they put on their list? If he has Elves making toys and things year round, how can we expect them to understand they can't have everything they want? I also worry about the "be good for Santa" mantra. If they are horrible all year long, should I follow through and say they were on Santa's naughty list? And again, if they are good but we can't fulfill their wish list, what do we say? Also, we plan to donate toys to Operation Christmas Child, Toys for Tots, and/or a local organization each year; when we do this, will our kids wonder why Santa doesn't visit the less fortunate?

Though important factors, I can't say for certain these in themselves would cause me to feel the way I do and teach our children what I plan to teach them.

My main reason for not teaching our children about Santa is this:

Christmas Eve, 1985. Each year, "Santa" would come visit my step-grandmother's house. I remember how wonderful it was to see him in person and get presents, though they were significantly less appealing gifts than the non-step grandkid's gifts, haha. Just before Santa arrived that chilly Christmas Eve, my brother, who was 10, callously informed me that not only was the guy I thought to be Santa my uncle, but that Santa didn't even exist! Crushed, I turned to my dad to expose my brother's lies, but sadly, he confirmed them. That was so painful for me to learn, and of all my childhood Christmas memories, this is the most vivid one. I cannot bear to think about setting my children up for such disappointment. Though, again, I understand not everyone has such a bitter memory of finding out Santa wasn't in fact real. I hope Santa memories for everyone who believed in him and their children are nothing but fond ones!

As for what we will teach our children- the truth. We will teach them the story of St. Nicholas, and how because of his faith, he devoted his life to helping others. We will explain (in age appropriate terms, of course) how his life was such an inspiration that his work is still celebrated at Christmas time..a la Santa Claus. Though he isn't a live person who lives at the North Pole and "sees you when you're sleeping...", it's okay to celebrate Santa knowing who he is based upon.

My one concern- my kids ruining it for others. I'm hoping that since we won't teach that "Santa isn't real", they won't go around saying such things. I will not, however, feel too guilty if they happen to tell their friends the truth. I can't. I mean, it's a conviction I have and I shouldn't be expected not to teach them things for fear of them telling others. It will never be my intent, though, because I know how devastated I was when I found out the truth. I certainly don't want my children to be responsible for doing that to someone else.

I hope that all makes sense, and that you won't take offense if you teach your child something different. This certainly falls into the "to each his own" category, in my humble opinion. :)

Obsession

I'm the type of person who gets obsessed with things- not like stalker obsessed or anything. I just get an idea or event in my head and plan it, talk about it, think about it. I spent years planning my wedding (started planning before I was engaged!). I try not to drive everyone crazy, but I'm sure I do, especially Luis. He never wants to hear anything about vaccine ingredients and alternative schedules again! My newest obsession- GIVING BIRTH! With Kadence, things went well, but I really wanted to go entirely med free. The more I've learned, the more I see that some things took place at the hospital which could've been avoided. I sometimes catch myself wondering, "what if...". I got the epidural about 30 minutes before Kadence was born, so it didn't even kick in. I still felt everything, so in a way, I experienced what I wanted to experience. Now that I've had an epidural, I never ever want one again. First off, right after we got it tons of nurses and maybe doctors rushed in our room and turned me on my side. Apparently, they lost her heartbeat on the monitors. For a few scary seconds, we thought we killed our baby. I never want to feel that again. Secondly, for seven months after she was born, I had lower back pain every time I'd bend over. It was in the exact spot where I got the Epi. It wasn't terribly painful but quite annoying. I mean, I traded 30 minutes of rest that I didn't get for 7 months of annoyance- totally not worth it! So, this time, I'm determined to not get an epidural. I feel much more prepared, knowing what to expect and really believing that when you think you can't do it anymore, you're almost done! This time though, I'm obsessed. I've already made a birth plan and a second, more consice birth plan to bring to the hospital. I think about every possible scenario, and I'm terrified of having a c-section (though I will do whatever it takes to have a healthy baby). I don't know why, I just feel like I have to have a med free, vaginal delivery. I think because part of me feels like I "failed" last time, which I know isn't true. I spend countless hours praying for everything to go smoothly. I've researched what will indicate and automatic c-section such as: breech baby, placenta previa, etc. I even want to know what doctors in this area will deliver a breech baby because I will consider switching.

The rational side of my brain knows that this is silly. I know that more than anything, I want to have a healthy baby, healthy mom. I know I didn't fail by getting an epidural, and if something happens and I need one this time, I know it will be okay. All that makes sense. Yet for some reason, I cannot get over this obsession. I figured writing it out may help. I don't bother other people in my life about this, and I think Luis has heard all he can handle...at least until I'm in my 3rd trimester, haha.

Walking and Talking and Teething, Oh my!

My baby is quickly approaching full on toddler-hood. I love it! She says lots of words now, including but not limited to, Mama, Dada, HI, No, Jack (a friend), Lily (a stuffed animal friend), Cat, Bye bye, Map, and Backpack- thank you Dora the Explorer. She also laughs when others around her laugh. It's so cute! I feel like she learns something new every second! I hate that I'm typing this from work missing out. This weekend, she took her very first steps! She took two steps on two separate occasions. Thankfully, I got to see her first official step, but Luis called today to tell me she took 10 steps in a row this afternoon!! Before we know it, we're going to be chasing her around the house. Another milestone she's finally reaching- teething. Because of her hypothyroidism, she basically stopped growing for about two months, that includes her teeth. So, now, at 13 months, she has the tiniest sliver of a tooth coming in. Poor baby, it looks like she's going to get a lot of teeth over the next few weeks. Her gums are swollen and white. While it may be tough on her, on all of us, if she gets them all in a short period of time it will be over faster.

I am so proud of my baby. It's hard to believe that just a year ago, she was so tiny and couldn't do a thing for herself. It's been amazing, truly a blessing from God to be able to watch her grow.

Big Sister

My baby is going to be a big sister!! In May of 2010, we will welcome our newest, and most likely final addition to our family. To quote Jesse Spano, I'm so excited...I'm so excited...I'm so...scared!! If you get that, you're old like me. :)

We found out in September, but due to previous losses, we wanted to make sure all was well before we shared the news. However, after our first doctor's appointment, all wasn't well. According to my calculations, I should've been 6 weeks, 4 days, but according to the ultrasound, I was only 5 weeks. If you've had kids, you know that over a week is a big difference. Due to that, and the fact that I've already had miscarriages, I figured this was another one. I was so sad. Begrudgingly, I continued to take my prenatal vitamins and act as though I was pregnant (no drinking or drugs, haha). After the longest week and a half of my life, I had my follow up ultrasound. I couldn't even look at the screen. I knew she'd say, "I'm sorry...", but thank God, I was wrong. She said the most beautiful words I'd ever heard- "There's the heartbeat!" I couldn't believe it. Tears of joy filled my eyes and it hit me- I'm going to be a mother of TWO. How am I going to do this?! Thankfully, my husband Luis, is fantastic. He's such a great dad now, and I know we're going to be able to handle being a family of four. :)

This time is very different- I'm hardly sick. Actually, I've only thrown up three times; with Kadence, it was more like three times a day. I don't know if it's because we waited so long to announce it or what, but it's going by much faster as well. I'm already almost 3 months along. Unfortunately, I don't feel as excited or attached as I should just yet- probably just a defense mechanism I've created due to my history. I do love this baby and I can't wait to meet him/her.

I don't want to forget this feeling

Tonight, as part of a class assignment, we went to a soup kitchen type place to help feed and serve the homeless. It changed my life. I've helped people before to an extent, I like to think of myself as a "good person". But truly, I've never gone so far out of my comfort zone before. I loved it. I loved being able to make a teeny difference in someone's life. I loved knowing that I was helping people whom God created and loves as well. I also felt bad that I don't do things like this regularly. I pray for people, and while I feel that is very important, I often turn a blind eye to the needs of people in my own city. More than feeling good and bad at the same time, I was in awe of the woman who does this regularly. Loretta. She is a southern lady with a tough exterior and a big heart. She daily prepares four meals for the people, instructs the volunteers, then goes to the women's shelter across the way to help them. She does this because of her love and devotion to God and his people. She doesn't get paid, and from what I can tell, hardly gets appreciated. I want my life to be more like hers. Of course, I can't do exactly what she's doing, but I can help. I have gifts and talents that could be of great use there. For instance, I'm pretty pushy (in a good way) when I'm passionate about something, and let me tell you, a fire has been lit. Since the organization runs strictly off donations and volunteers, I'm going to get people to donate things, money, and their time. I'm hoping to really help get these people plenty of meals and volunteers, even possibly a dishwasher so they can save money and stop using paper products. I plan to contact restaurants, local businesses, churches, and even the school I attend to try to encourage other teachers to take their classes to the mission. I know I can do this; I put together a fundraiser for my nephew which was a huge success. If you have any tips or anything though, please let me know. I'm writing this out to remind myself not to let this feeling pass. I don't want to remember this as a one time thing. I want it to be the beginning.

When all isn't "perfect"

I'm sure many people hear their child described this way, but all too often, people tell me that Kadence is perfect. I feel that way too, of course. She's funny, cute, and a delight to be around. Recently though, we found out she has Hypothyroidism. It's where your thyroid doesn't produce a hormone that helps regulate your metabolism. We found out because the doctors ran tests due to her not gaining weight. They called it "Failure to thrive", which really made me feel awful. While it's something that may be lifelong, it seems relatively easy to treat. One friend who's daughter suffers with the same condition said, "A pill a day, and you'll be okay." If it were me, I'd take the pill and that would be the end of it. It's not me though, it's my baby. I needed to research this disease and all the possible causes and treatment options available. There are a couple, but the treatment she is on seems the most widely accepted course of action. We'll see a specialist next month to determine if we need to make changes. For now, I'm just continuing to research possible causes of hypothyroidism. Also, I'm trying to learn things we can do at home to help her condition...I read that cruciferous vegetables, like broccoli and cauliflower aren't good for someone with hypothyroidism. I still have a lot to learn. It's overwhelming and very hard to accept that my perfect little baby has a problem. I'm thankful to God that it's something treatable, and I pray that He will allow her to grow out of it. I guess I'll ask here too- if any of you guys know anything about hypothyroidism and possible treatments, please let me know. Also, if you have some spare prayers, please pray that she continues to do well with treatment AND that she grows out of it! Thanks. :)

Revisiting weight loss

I posted my weight on here a while ago, in an attempt to motivate myself to lose. Well, that didn't work, haha. A month or so later, I joined weight watchers. After almost 2 months, with a 2-3 week break in the middle, I am now 8 pounds lighter and 1 (almost 2) pants sizes smaller! I'm chuckling because I'm munching on chocolate cookies as I type. That's the beauty of weight watchers- you don't have to give up everything you love. I could go on and on about how awesome weight watchers is- but they don't pay me, haha. I will say, if you are looking to lose weight, eat healthier while still enjoying cookies now and then, give weight watchers a shot! :)

Things I love

My friend Natalie wrote a blog about all the things she loved, and I told her I was going to steal her idea...I couldn't make myself I liar!! Here are a few things I love- in no particular order:

1. Sleeping in
2. Candles
3. Jesus
4. My job
5. Luis
6. Kadence
7. Song lyrics
8. Dancing with K and Luis to YouTube videos
9. Vacation days
10. God's amazing grace
11. New friends
12. Sales
13. Faith Day
14. Kind strangers
15. My awesomely crazy family
16. Getting cards in the mail
17. Being a mother
18. Publix Subs
19. Brownie Batter
20. Pedicures
21. Cloth diapers
22. Baby laughs (not the book...actual babies laughing)
23. Taking pictures
24. Lunch dates with Luis and Kadence
25. Reading blogs
26. My palm centro
27. The Nest
28. Planning (anything...vacations, weddings, parties...I'm a planner)
29. Rocking Kadence to sleep
30. Sharing things I love with people I love
31. Funny YouTube videos
32. Seeing new places
33. CS Lewis
34. Helping others
35. The Village Church
36. Getting not spam email
37. Losing weight
38. Praying
39. Laughing (who doesn't love laughing?!)
40. New car smell
41. The Soup
42. Bubble baths
43. Text messaging
44. Photoshop
45. Getting my hair did
46. Playdates
47. Dallas, TX
48. Baking
49. Travel size stuff- it's so cute
50. What Kadence has brought to our lives; it's indescribable- there needs to be a word stronger than LOVE for it.

Well, this was fun. You should steal this idea too. It has definitely helped brighten my day!! :)

My baby can READ!

No, not really. She's only 8 1/2 months! I do have to share all the new things she can do though. In the past month, she has gone from baby to nearly a toddler- it's crazy. In mid May, she finally started rolling over, which eased my mind tremendously. I was beginning to think something was wrong with her, haha. Shortly thereafter, and I mean within days, she began to crawl. I think I figured her out- she didn't roll because there was no purpose. Now, rolling from her back to her belly meant she could get up and go. She wasn't behind, she knew that rolling around would be pointless if she couldn't do anything with that. Things just started to snoball after that. She started pulling up on things; by things, I mean everything. She began to cruise along the sofa and "walk" around her activity table. She's now little miss mobile, but again, only when it suits her. She won't just crawl around...no ma'am. She needs to lock eyes with something she wants, usually something she shouldn't have, like the cord to my cell phone charger, and she's on the go.

Aside from those leaps and bounds that she's grown, she has started doing other things- like clapping. I was at a coffee shop with her and a friend, when all of a sudden, she started clapping. I had no idea this was coming. I used to look up all the developmental milestones, but got lazy. I was shocked. We clap and say "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" to her all the time. She's like a rock star in our house. I just, I don't know, I just didn't expect her to do this yet. It is beyond cute. She even claps in context now- after she picks something up or when someone says "Yaaaaaaaaay". About a week after she started clapping, she did something even more incredible- she waved! She freaking waved! Again, I am floored by these milestones. I had no clue when to expect them, and still don't. She could be months behind for all I know! I am thrilled either way. She likes to show people her tricks too. She'll wave and clap for strangers at the store, and sometimes do it on command, but she's certainly letting me know that she is not my puppet. Now, I don't want to give K too much credit, but I *think* she can blow kisses as well. It doesn't look like she's blowing a kiss. She just kind of opens her mouth, but she makes the "mwah" sound, and she does it after we blow her a kiss. Such a sweet baby genius! :)

Saint Luis

That's my husband's blog and twitter name. He's taking this online class about the internet, and one of his projects is to get...well, to get interwebz famous; at least moreso than he is now. Soooo, he's taken to blogging, and he's quite funny, and additcted to it. He never understood why I did this, but now he understands. Anyway, it would be a great help to him if you'd stop by his blog from time to time and leave him some comments. You can read about a brother and sister getting married!!

Saint Luis

Oh, and if you have twitter, follow him. Thanks.

I like fluffy butts and I can not lie..

That’s right. I’m one of those mom’s who cloth diaper their child. I did not set out to cloth diaper, much like I did not set out to have a med-free birth. After reading up on them though, I really wanted to give it a shot. It took me months to convince Luis to even entertain the thought. So, I had plenty of time to research…and let me tell you, I needed it. There are so many kinds of diapers, so many brands, so many different washing instructions. There are so many blogs, websites, stores, villages, etc. devoted to cloth diapering. I began to drown in a sea of fluff- I basically had to learn a new language (AIO, BG, OS). Finally, I sorted through all the mess and found the easiest places to get info. I don’t know if anyone reading this is considering CDing (see, a whole new language), but I’ll share the sites that helped me the most, then I’ll share what I do.

Green mama’s pad: this blog post is Cloth diapering 101- or better yet, remedial cloth (that's for sure what I needed). She really spells everything out for you.

Baby Rabies: a great site; she has a few posts that are brutally honest when it comes to cloth; informative and funny.

Pinstripes and polka dots is a great place to find laundry/detergent info. They also have a ton of information here.

Oh, and Abby's Lane and Sew Crafty Baby has free shipping all the time!

Now, onto what I do. I’m a pretty simple kind of girl. I don’t want things to be too complicated. I love cloth diapering (who else can say they love anything about diapering!!), but I wouldn’t have done it if it were too much work. I started out buying a few pockets and prefolds with covers. I didn’t want to spend too much money, but I liked the convienece of pockets for Luis. To this day he doesn’t use the prefolds..whatevs.

Anyway, I got them and prepped them by boiling the prefolds and washing the pockets. As far as washing, there isn't much to it. Cold wash NO detergent, followed by Hot wash/cold rinse(sometimes warm..no reason, I just like to mix it up) with a 2nd rinse. There are many options for detergent, but I went with simple and cheap. Purex Free and Clear. I also tried out Crunchy Clean, which smells fantastic (seriously..buttercream cupcake detergent!!), but I don’t use it all the time due to the “it’s not as cheap as purex” factor. All diapers then go into the dryer with NO dryer sheets. I’m working on getting Luis to put up a line so I can dry them outside; from what I understand, that’s better for the diapers and of course better the environment.

How do I use them? Like I said, I’m pretty simple. I fold the prefold and lay it in the cover…then, the cover goes on exactly like a disposable. It looks like this:




The pocket diapers are a little different- and easier. I “stuff” them with either an insert or a prefold, and put them in the drawer. When it’s time to use them, they also go on exactly like a disposable. When I’m changing her, all I do is throw the wet diapers into the pail (which is a garbage can with a wet bag lining it). The poopy diapers used to go straight into the pail when she was only getting breast milk, but now that she’s getting some solids (not much though..she hates food!), it’s a little more work. I use a flushable liner in her diapers, and then I use a wipe for whatever is left. Is that the best way? I don’t know, but it’s easier than going rinse it off in the sink/tub/toilet or wherever. And, for now, it works. It’s no grosser than dealing with a disposable. As a matter of fact, I can contend that I dealt with poop much more when she was in disposables because we’d frequently have blowouts. Those are virtually unheard of in the cloth world…you know what else is rare- diaper rash. You know what else…they’re cheaper. I can afford to play around sometimes and buy her “nice” diapers because even if I spend 25.00 on one diaper, it will last me through potty training, and baby number two..well, it will be FREE for him/her. Only, if it’s a boy, he’ll for sure be rocking some pink. ;)

So, there you have it. I don’t think this will convert anyone, but I thought I’d put this out there in case someone was considering it. Oh, and my husband- he’s now 100% on board and recommends CDing to others!! If nothing else, you can’t deny the cute factor of them:

Negotiating skillz..I has them

Our lovely, horribly loud, 11 year old Honda was ready for a new home...well, we were ready for a new car. We decided we wanted another Honda, so I began to research. I looked at cars.com daily, I checked local dealers, I read up on KBB, Nada, and Edmunds. I found out what year/make/model I wanted and what they were selling for. I also researched the trade in value on it, so I had an idea of what the dealer paid. I also read a million "tips on buying a used car". I felt very prepared. We followed a lot of the tricks- go at the end of the month, don't show too much interest in any particular car- do NOT discuss financing until you reach a deal, etc. Well, the car we wanted was priced at 15,000. We drove it and a couple others, we walked around a lot, and we just made sure the dealer invested time in us- the tips said that would make them more willing to work with you. He offered us a price on the car we weren't very interested in- 3000.00 off the sticker. It was a great deal, but the car had kinda high miles (45k and it was a 2007). So, I asked him what he would give us the other car (the one we really wanted) for- he replied, "Oh, that one has low miles, I could do 13,900, maybe 13,500. So, we just kept delaying and talking amongst ourselves. He then asked me to make an offer, so I pulled out my research that I printed (I guess at this time he could tell we were serious), and figured if they were giving about 11,000 for trade ins on this car, it would be fair to offer 12, 500. He said he'd "check with the manager"..after a few minutes, he came back and said the best he could do was 12,900. I asked him to work that up and see what the total cost would be, with TT&L. Well, it was around 14,300. Still with me? Okay, so I told him we very well might buy the car if he could get it to 14k out the door, and he did! So, the cost of the car when from 15k to 12, 700. That's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. It was easy- I kind of wonder if we could've got it for less. I doubt it; I haven't seen any 2006 Accords with under 30,000 miles for less than 15k sticker, and most of them were more. So, if you followed all this, kudos to you. I hope these tricks and tips helps someone else in the future.

Over it!

I am eating worse than I ever was before I started "dieting". I don't think restricting myself works. I have eaten more junk the past couple weeks than I have the past month. The only thing I'm good at is limiting my soft drink intake. I'm still working out and losing weight, but it can't be an obsession. Sooo, no more posts about food...unless it's an awesome recipe that I need to share.

In other news, do you like my new layout? Is it hard to read? I chose it because the site where I got the code from had it titled with my name. (even if you don't comment much, I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this)

Because this is NOT a weight loss blog...

My baby is getting so big. She's reaching milestone after milestone. Today, she showed great problem solving skills- manuevering her body different ways to reach her bottle, then figuring out how to position herself to feed herself! She's also eating some finger foods, but not really liking them very much. I sure hope she doesn't try to take a bottle to college!

It's truly amazing to watch a person grow. We've loved her since she was just two pink lines. Fortunately, we got quite a few ultrasounds during the pregnancy, so we've really been able to watch her grow for her entire existence. With every day, I love her more and more. How couldn't I? Look at this face:

I fell off the wagon...

and I kept on falling. Maybe I could use a sponsor or something like people who belong to AA have. I started the day with a carnation instant breakfast; not the greatest choice, but not bad. Then, it went downhill- burger king for my second breakfast, cold stone creamery, kastleburgers for dinner, and now, a coke for my late night snack! The good news, I feel sick to my stomach from so much junk and so little healthy food today. That must mean my body is getting used to eating right.

Ah, well...I'll for sure be back on the wagon tomorrow- but, I may not weigh myself this week!! :)

A half pound

That's how much lighter I am this week. I don't know what I expected to see when I got on the scale, but I'm mildly pleased that it wasn't higher, and I'm motivated to lose even more than that next week. I'll recap my high and low points of the past week now. I worked out 4 times (5 if you count today) since last week. I go to the gym on my lunch hour and use the elliptical. Then, I do some crunches. I'm increasing the intensity of the workout, but I don't feel like I'm really "pushing myself"; I'll have to work on that. I'd like to commit some time at home to working out as well. Luis got me an awesome stand up punching bag for my birthday, and I've yet to use it. I've also been drinking tons of water. So much so that I convinced myself I must be pregnant because I'm peeing so much!! I'm not though. Now, my downfalls- I went to a friend's house and she had a coke sitting on her coffee table. I wanted water, but when she offered me a coke, I just couldn't resist. It was SO yummy. I think the Mormon's are onto something when they classify caffine as a drug. Anyway, I didn't feel too badly about it because it was my only slip up thus far. This next one though, yea, I feel guilty about...good, I won't do it again guilt; not, I made myself throwup over it guilt! I ate a cupcake. I know that doesn't sound too bad, but picture this- a regular sized brownie flavored cake topped with mounds of peanut butter frosting, with reeses pieces mixed in! Now, wipe the drool from your face and see how bad that was for me- a "dieter" to indulge in. I'm sure that cupcake had more calories than I consumed all week! I'm getting past it and inching toward my goal of 125lbs. At this rate, I'll get there in a year...time to step it up!

My goal for this coming week will be to not cheat- at all. I'm allowing myself one 100 calorie snack per day- today it was smartfood popcorn. I can't give in to the shiny red cans, as tempting as they may be. Also, I'd like to work out at least two or three times at home, in addition to the gym.

Here's hoping to see more results next week!

150

Ugh...that's what the scale said yesterday. I'm not trying to be a size 2, but I'm sick of being a 10/12. Not just a 10/12, but an out of shape one! Yes, I know, I just had a baby; yes, I know some women would like to be a 10, but I'm not one of them!! I'm a small/medium framed person who was a size 0/2 until I was 21. I don't want to look like that again, but I want to feel better about myself. I don't want to cringe when trying on a bathing suit...even though my stretchmarks running half way down my legs will still make me wear one of those cover up wraps, I'd like to look better everywhere else. So, I'm putting this out there for the whole world (yea, because the whole world is reading this!) to help motivate me to lose weight and shape up. I want to do it because I'm a little vain, sure, but I also want to stay healthy and active for my daughter. I want to have energy to play with her when she's older. I don't want to be too tired/lazy to go outside with her. I also don't want to set a bad example for her. Do you know that I get all organic food for her and make it myself, but I don't think twice about scarfing down a big mac and chasing it with a hot fudge sundae. That isn't right. I should care more about what I put in my body. I mean, junk food is good- every once in a while. Thankfully, I've already started making diet changes. I have increased my veggie intake, cut out soft drinks, and today, I passed up the opportunity to have a scrumdiddlyuptious (is that spelled correctly) cupcake from The Kupcake Factory, and let me tell you- that was hard. :)

Anyway, my point is- I'm going to lose weight. My goal is 25 pounds by the end of August, but I will be more than satisfied with losing 20 pounds. Every Wednesday, I'm going to weigh myself at the gym at my work...I will post the weight on here, which will really make me want to lose. I will say this- I'm already 2 pounds lighter than what I was two weeks ago; I really think I can do this. If you have any diet/exercise tips to share, please do so. OR, if you want to write motivating comments or something, that would be appreciated as well. Have a great day!!

Wanna hear what happened to me yesterday?

Okay, I had to work late, which was fine. When I got in my car though, my arm started to hurt- just below my elbow, near the crease in my arm. It started to get red and swollen, and the pain felt like the worst part of a shot- you know, right when the medicine goes in, but it didn't stop..it just hurt and hurt and got more swollen..then I had what looked like little blisters inside of the big red swollen section; did I mention in HURT? I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. I was looking at my other arm waiting to see if anything was going to pop up over there. Driving was very difficult. I concluded that I would go to urgent care because the ER is too expensive and takes 583746 hours to get treated. When I was halfway to the urgent care near my house, the pain started to diminish- a little, so I decided to go home first and check with my doctor...Dr. Google. Turns out, I was stung by a catterpillar...not just any caterpillar, a ninja caterpillar. I didn't even see it. I'm sure it still would've hurt like crazy, but I wouldn't have gone into panic mode thinking I had the swine flu or something worse. After a trip to the pharmacy for benadryl and cortisone, I was set. I got all delirious and passed out by 8:30 from the benadryl (yes, I'm a lightweight). Today, it just feels like a really bad bruise. Have you ever been stung by a caterpillar? Did you know that some of them actually sting?
In honor of my ninja caterpillar, one of my buddies on thenest.com made this awesome drawing that had me laughing so hard in my benadryl stupor last night.

Horrible Blogger

I feel like a blog-school drop out or something. I LOVE to write. I kept a journal for 15 years (Gosh, I'm old), I write letters to Kadence, and I used to write little story type things about my life. But when it comes to blogging...I, well, I suck. I never think of anything to say. There's something that's been bugging me that I'd love to complain about on here, but I can't for fear of who may read this. Maybe that's what is hindering me so much. Maybe I should just pretend no one else will read this...there's an idea. If you have some sort of blog..what do YOU do? Do you just write whatever you think about any topic at all? Are you PC in any way? Do you think of friends/family members reactions when you post?

Since this post is about nothing really...here's a cute picture of our baby for your enjoyment: Wait..it's over there on your left.

Have I told you already that I love Jesus?

I don't know if I've discussed that before on here. It's no secret in my life, but I don't know if the whole online world (or the 3 of you reading this) know that about me. I wasn't always a believer, so if you already want to stop reading this, I understand.
For me, God has been a wonderful savior, best friend, and awesome leader. If it had not been for Him, I truly would not be here today. I grew up thinking God loved everyone but me, which, in my opinion, is a worse fate than not believing at all. Much of my life I felt rejected by many, especially God. Hey, maybe that's why I don't worry so much what people think of me now.
Anyway, I really just wanted to post this to give credit to my God for working in my life. We've gone through some major events the past couple years: pregnancy, miscarriage, pregnancy, birth of a child, Luis staying home, me returning to work, Luis switching schools, raising a baby, moving, dealing with things that should have been addressed years ago, etc. We've been extraordinarily blessed, even through tough times, and I attribute that to God. So, I kinda just wanted to "publicly" thank Him for it. I guess that's all. Carry on now. :)

Give me a simple answer, please.

I love doing research. Before I was even engaged, I spent time planning my wedding- figuring out what I liked, what was cost effective, etc. When I got pregnant, oh, man, the hours I spent online and in books reading about various birth techniques, experiences, etc. I learned that I preferred to try to have a med free birth when before I got pregnant, I was saying I wanted an epidural before I left the house. I also read up on child rearing and vaccinations. I decided to do the Dr. Sears "alternative" vaccine schedule, which gets Kadence fully immunized, but at a slower pace. Since she's been born, I've spent countless hours reading up on, purchasing, and talking about cloth diapers because it's best for our family (cheaper) and the environment..not to mention, they're so stinkin' cute. After all the research I do, I feel more informed and able to make decisions (big or small) that are best for my family. Well, after accidentally learning (meaning, I wasn't doing research) more about vaccines, I am overwhelmed with information- conflicting information, and I cannot figure out what I think is best for Kadence. Most people generally believe that vaccines are safe and effective, and any potential side effect of the vaccine is not as bad as the disease, but is that true? I'm still trying to figure that out. Kadence has had a few vaccines already, and thank God, she has been fine, but will she suffer later on? How "immune" is she from the diseases or illnesses that she's vaccinated against? Some information I've read says that when there is an outbreak of a disease, say measles, more than half the people who catch it are fully vaccinated...so why should I risk her having a reaction to the vaccine if it may not even work? Oh, man, and I don't even want to get started on the ingredients- animal byproducts----some ingredients come from aborted babies!!!! Is it ethical to put these "ingredients" into my child if I am pro-life? I am only scratching the surface right now of the wealth of information out there. I will read pro and anti vaccine literature, and make the decision on which vaccines we will still get, and which ones we will forgo. I just really wish there was a simpler answer; Oh, wait, there is: "Stop reading up on stuff and trust your pediatrician." Sorry, that's not like me. Off to do more research!

What happened to my baby?

My sweet little newborn baby..the one who loved being rocked to sleep and always wanted to nurse has been replaced. I have a "little big girl" now. She can hold her head up so well, that it's not an accomplishment anymore, it's just what she does. She learns things too. You know that thing where you say Ahhhhhhhhhhh, and pat your hand over your mouth? She can do that! Well, you have to pat your hand over her mouth, but she knows when you do that to say Ahhhhh. It's sooooooo cute. She also learned how to hit the buttons on her exersaucer to make the music come on. The fact that she's in her exersaucer is huge too! Since she turned 4 months old, she has just hit one milestone after the other. It's amazing to see her grow and develop and learn..right before our eyes. What else? Oh, she doesn't hate tummy time anymore. She holds herself up very well and just looks around and laughs. There's been one little drawback to her growing up though; she now knows when someone else is holding her, and she usually starts crying until her daddy or I take her back. That's not a good thing, but we secretly like it, hehe.

Everyone tells you how fast the time goes, and to cherish every moment. It's so true! We try our best to cherish this time, because I know that we are going to blink and she is going to be blogging about her child! Well, she'll be doing whatever they'll do 25 or so years from now to record her thoughts; blogging may be a thing of the past by then! Yikes!

Caffine high??

I hardly ever have any caffine, and when I do, it's a sip of coke here and there or some chocolate. Today, however, I had a coke AND an excedrin for this awful headache I had. There was nothing else I could take. Now, my headache is gone and my mind is running a thousand miles a minute. I thought typing a blog would be good exercise for my brain, and maybe it will slow down when I'm done. If you ever need to take a typing test, have a red bull or something before, I'm typing MUCH faster than normal...I am, however, hitting backspace a lot to correct spelling mistakes. I remember typing in high school, you couldn't use backspace. I did okay, but quite often I'd print out papers thatl ooked likke this.. Haha. Yep, this is definitely a caffine high. I hope I don't crash when I'm home spending time with K. That would suck. It would be ideal if I would "come down" after she's asleep and I get a bath. I'm so embarrassed. I'm wearing a hoodie (a ski cap, whatever you call them) today becuase I fell asleep early last night and woke up late this morning, sooooooo, I didn't get to wash my hair!! Good thing it's somewhat cold outside. The weather here is crazy. Snowing one day, in the 70s less than a week later. Aaaaaaaaaand, I think I'm calmer now. My heartrate seems to be back to a normal level, and my typing has slowed down dramatically. Okay, then. I guess I'm done here. :)

First night out: FAIL

Sooooo, I'm typing from my cell phone. I'm at the Celine Dion concert...alone. Well, I'm kind of alone. I came here with my 2 sisters in law. our seats were at the VERY top of the arena. I mean the very very top. On our way up the 20 million steps, I started feeling nervous. by the time we reached our seats, I was on my way to a full blown panic attack. at least I think that's what it was, I've never had one of those before. While I don't plan on skydiving, I've never been scared of heights. EVER. I have no idea why I am now. Is it my age? The baby? I mean, it was so irrational...I wasn't even scared of falling. I was just freaked out being up there. I was even scared to walk down the stairs. My SIL (sister in law) had to walk down in front of me, and I held onto the railing for dear life. Now, here I am alone, albeit with better seats than SILs. ha! But its no fun being...sing with me and Celine..."all by myself". The show itself has been more entertaining than I expected though. okay, its either over or intermission now. either way, I guess I should be done typing.