Big Sister

My baby is going to be a big sister!! In May of 2010, we will welcome our newest, and most likely final addition to our family. To quote Jesse Spano, I'm so excited...I'm so excited...I'm so...scared!! If you get that, you're old like me. :)

We found out in September, but due to previous losses, we wanted to make sure all was well before we shared the news. However, after our first doctor's appointment, all wasn't well. According to my calculations, I should've been 6 weeks, 4 days, but according to the ultrasound, I was only 5 weeks. If you've had kids, you know that over a week is a big difference. Due to that, and the fact that I've already had miscarriages, I figured this was another one. I was so sad. Begrudgingly, I continued to take my prenatal vitamins and act as though I was pregnant (no drinking or drugs, haha). After the longest week and a half of my life, I had my follow up ultrasound. I couldn't even look at the screen. I knew she'd say, "I'm sorry...", but thank God, I was wrong. She said the most beautiful words I'd ever heard- "There's the heartbeat!" I couldn't believe it. Tears of joy filled my eyes and it hit me- I'm going to be a mother of TWO. How am I going to do this?! Thankfully, my husband Luis, is fantastic. He's such a great dad now, and I know we're going to be able to handle being a family of four. :)

This time is very different- I'm hardly sick. Actually, I've only thrown up three times; with Kadence, it was more like three times a day. I don't know if it's because we waited so long to announce it or what, but it's going by much faster as well. I'm already almost 3 months along. Unfortunately, I don't feel as excited or attached as I should just yet- probably just a defense mechanism I've created due to my history. I do love this baby and I can't wait to meet him/her.

I don't want to forget this feeling

Tonight, as part of a class assignment, we went to a soup kitchen type place to help feed and serve the homeless. It changed my life. I've helped people before to an extent, I like to think of myself as a "good person". But truly, I've never gone so far out of my comfort zone before. I loved it. I loved being able to make a teeny difference in someone's life. I loved knowing that I was helping people whom God created and loves as well. I also felt bad that I don't do things like this regularly. I pray for people, and while I feel that is very important, I often turn a blind eye to the needs of people in my own city. More than feeling good and bad at the same time, I was in awe of the woman who does this regularly. Loretta. She is a southern lady with a tough exterior and a big heart. She daily prepares four meals for the people, instructs the volunteers, then goes to the women's shelter across the way to help them. She does this because of her love and devotion to God and his people. She doesn't get paid, and from what I can tell, hardly gets appreciated. I want my life to be more like hers. Of course, I can't do exactly what she's doing, but I can help. I have gifts and talents that could be of great use there. For instance, I'm pretty pushy (in a good way) when I'm passionate about something, and let me tell you, a fire has been lit. Since the organization runs strictly off donations and volunteers, I'm going to get people to donate things, money, and their time. I'm hoping to really help get these people plenty of meals and volunteers, even possibly a dishwasher so they can save money and stop using paper products. I plan to contact restaurants, local businesses, churches, and even the school I attend to try to encourage other teachers to take their classes to the mission. I know I can do this; I put together a fundraiser for my nephew which was a huge success. If you have any tips or anything though, please let me know. I'm writing this out to remind myself not to let this feeling pass. I don't want to remember this as a one time thing. I want it to be the beginning.