Horrible Blogger

I feel like a blog-school drop out or something. I LOVE to write. I kept a journal for 15 years (Gosh, I'm old), I write letters to Kadence, and I used to write little story type things about my life. But when it comes to blogging...I, well, I suck. I never think of anything to say. There's something that's been bugging me that I'd love to complain about on here, but I can't for fear of who may read this. Maybe that's what is hindering me so much. Maybe I should just pretend no one else will read this...there's an idea. If you have some sort of blog..what do YOU do? Do you just write whatever you think about any topic at all? Are you PC in any way? Do you think of friends/family members reactions when you post?

Since this post is about nothing really...here's a cute picture of our baby for your enjoyment: Wait..it's over there on your left.

Have I told you already that I love Jesus?

I don't know if I've discussed that before on here. It's no secret in my life, but I don't know if the whole online world (or the 3 of you reading this) know that about me. I wasn't always a believer, so if you already want to stop reading this, I understand.
For me, God has been a wonderful savior, best friend, and awesome leader. If it had not been for Him, I truly would not be here today. I grew up thinking God loved everyone but me, which, in my opinion, is a worse fate than not believing at all. Much of my life I felt rejected by many, especially God. Hey, maybe that's why I don't worry so much what people think of me now.
Anyway, I really just wanted to post this to give credit to my God for working in my life. We've gone through some major events the past couple years: pregnancy, miscarriage, pregnancy, birth of a child, Luis staying home, me returning to work, Luis switching schools, raising a baby, moving, dealing with things that should have been addressed years ago, etc. We've been extraordinarily blessed, even through tough times, and I attribute that to God. So, I kinda just wanted to "publicly" thank Him for it. I guess that's all. Carry on now. :)

Give me a simple answer, please.

I love doing research. Before I was even engaged, I spent time planning my wedding- figuring out what I liked, what was cost effective, etc. When I got pregnant, oh, man, the hours I spent online and in books reading about various birth techniques, experiences, etc. I learned that I preferred to try to have a med free birth when before I got pregnant, I was saying I wanted an epidural before I left the house. I also read up on child rearing and vaccinations. I decided to do the Dr. Sears "alternative" vaccine schedule, which gets Kadence fully immunized, but at a slower pace. Since she's been born, I've spent countless hours reading up on, purchasing, and talking about cloth diapers because it's best for our family (cheaper) and the environment..not to mention, they're so stinkin' cute. After all the research I do, I feel more informed and able to make decisions (big or small) that are best for my family. Well, after accidentally learning (meaning, I wasn't doing research) more about vaccines, I am overwhelmed with information- conflicting information, and I cannot figure out what I think is best for Kadence. Most people generally believe that vaccines are safe and effective, and any potential side effect of the vaccine is not as bad as the disease, but is that true? I'm still trying to figure that out. Kadence has had a few vaccines already, and thank God, she has been fine, but will she suffer later on? How "immune" is she from the diseases or illnesses that she's vaccinated against? Some information I've read says that when there is an outbreak of a disease, say measles, more than half the people who catch it are fully vaccinated...so why should I risk her having a reaction to the vaccine if it may not even work? Oh, man, and I don't even want to get started on the ingredients- animal byproducts----some ingredients come from aborted babies!!!! Is it ethical to put these "ingredients" into my child if I am pro-life? I am only scratching the surface right now of the wealth of information out there. I will read pro and anti vaccine literature, and make the decision on which vaccines we will still get, and which ones we will forgo. I just really wish there was a simpler answer; Oh, wait, there is: "Stop reading up on stuff and trust your pediatrician." Sorry, that's not like me. Off to do more research!

What happened to my baby?

My sweet little newborn baby..the one who loved being rocked to sleep and always wanted to nurse has been replaced. I have a "little big girl" now. She can hold her head up so well, that it's not an accomplishment anymore, it's just what she does. She learns things too. You know that thing where you say Ahhhhhhhhhhh, and pat your hand over your mouth? She can do that! Well, you have to pat your hand over her mouth, but she knows when you do that to say Ahhhhh. It's sooooooo cute. She also learned how to hit the buttons on her exersaucer to make the music come on. The fact that she's in her exersaucer is huge too! Since she turned 4 months old, she has just hit one milestone after the other. It's amazing to see her grow and develop and learn..right before our eyes. What else? Oh, she doesn't hate tummy time anymore. She holds herself up very well and just looks around and laughs. There's been one little drawback to her growing up though; she now knows when someone else is holding her, and she usually starts crying until her daddy or I take her back. That's not a good thing, but we secretly like it, hehe.

Everyone tells you how fast the time goes, and to cherish every moment. It's so true! We try our best to cherish this time, because I know that we are going to blink and she is going to be blogging about her child! Well, she'll be doing whatever they'll do 25 or so years from now to record her thoughts; blogging may be a thing of the past by then! Yikes!

Caffine high??

I hardly ever have any caffine, and when I do, it's a sip of coke here and there or some chocolate. Today, however, I had a coke AND an excedrin for this awful headache I had. There was nothing else I could take. Now, my headache is gone and my mind is running a thousand miles a minute. I thought typing a blog would be good exercise for my brain, and maybe it will slow down when I'm done. If you ever need to take a typing test, have a red bull or something before, I'm typing MUCH faster than normal...I am, however, hitting backspace a lot to correct spelling mistakes. I remember typing in high school, you couldn't use backspace. I did okay, but quite often I'd print out papers thatl ooked likke this.. Haha. Yep, this is definitely a caffine high. I hope I don't crash when I'm home spending time with K. That would suck. It would be ideal if I would "come down" after she's asleep and I get a bath. I'm so embarrassed. I'm wearing a hoodie (a ski cap, whatever you call them) today becuase I fell asleep early last night and woke up late this morning, sooooooo, I didn't get to wash my hair!! Good thing it's somewhat cold outside. The weather here is crazy. Snowing one day, in the 70s less than a week later. Aaaaaaaaaand, I think I'm calmer now. My heartrate seems to be back to a normal level, and my typing has slowed down dramatically. Okay, then. I guess I'm done here. :)

First night out: FAIL

Sooooo, I'm typing from my cell phone. I'm at the Celine Dion concert...alone. Well, I'm kind of alone. I came here with my 2 sisters in law. our seats were at the VERY top of the arena. I mean the very very top. On our way up the 20 million steps, I started feeling nervous. by the time we reached our seats, I was on my way to a full blown panic attack. at least I think that's what it was, I've never had one of those before. While I don't plan on skydiving, I've never been scared of heights. EVER. I have no idea why I am now. Is it my age? The baby? I mean, it was so irrational...I wasn't even scared of falling. I was just freaked out being up there. I was even scared to walk down the stairs. My SIL (sister in law) had to walk down in front of me, and I held onto the railing for dear life. Now, here I am alone, albeit with better seats than SILs. ha! But its no fun being...sing with me and Celine..."all by myself". The show itself has been more entertaining than I expected though. okay, its either over or intermission now. either way, I guess I should be done typing.

This suuuuuuuuuucks

When I was pregnant, I developed gallstones. They were so painful, but thank God, I was able to modify my diet and avoid any problems...
until now. I'm glad I didn't have to have surgery when I was pregnant, but a few weeks ago, I started having attacks nearly every day. The pain was unbearable. I cried, threw up, begged God to take the pain away, and even considered removing my gallbladder with my bare hands. I met with a surgeon and had the procedure done a few days ago. I was so concerned with my mortality. I wrote a letter to my husband for "if I died", and I shed some tears over the possibility of not being here to see my daughter grow up. Obviously, I came through. It was a simple operation, I kind of knew I'd be okay, but having an infant at home really changes the way you handle things.

Anyway, the surgery went fine, but the next day I was bleeding more than I should've been. My great friend Valerie took me to the doctor. By the time I arrived, I looked as though I had been shot in the stomach..literally. Apparently, one of my incisions opened up. The arrogant jerk resident, also known as Dr. Roddenberry (however you spell that), attempted to fix me, while hurting me and being incredibly rude. Nice, huh. I get home, and wouldn't you know, two hours later I'm bleeding all over the place again!! I called the Dr.'s office to let them know the situation and that I was coming back in and did not want to see the resident again. The actual doctor who performed the surgery worked on my this time. I had to go into a minor operating room, and he numbed me really good (thank God!!), and went to work. He poked and prodded and tugged.. at one point, I smelled burning flesh from the cauterization. This time it stayed closed. Unfortunately, it's as if I had two operations in two days. I still feel really sore, hence the title of this blog. That is all. Just wanted to vent. Hopefully, my next entry will be much more chipper. Merry Christmas everyone (or anyone??).